Coping with drama at the office is among the worst parts of being an executive. It gets the potential to suck living out of you, and to kill your motivation, and for many of my clients, it leaves them wondering: "Why did I choose this career?" The very best exemplory instance of this is one my clients - we shall call him John.
John may be the CEO of a manufacturing company. He hates drama. You can literally see his skin crawl when he talks about it. His face scrunches up. His shoulders tighten and he winces when he talks about the most recent drama of the day. "I recently don't get it. What is everyone's problem? Why can't they only do their work? It's like coping with children." Then his body crumbles, and he looks defeated. Exhausted. Helpless. Weighed down.
We are able to all relate to John. We have all experience political situations that individuals prefer to forget. Those times when we are caught in a pinnacle of workplace drama - one individual is upset, gossip in the organization is rampant, and we feel just like a ping pong ball once we bounce around trying to make sense of the issue. So, what's an executive to do? If you're caught in drama, how will you get free from this dark hole?
First off, let's speak about what to not do. John illustrates this well. Each time John experiences drama, he avoids it. He literally shuts down. His face goes blank. He starts to squirm, and he typically nods in a placating way. And in addition, the placating nod does the absolute most harm. When he nods, people feel understood, but when John he takes no action, they get mad. End result? They attack John. Dramacool They whisper in the lunch room: "What's his problem? He doesn't do anything!" Some people get angry. The irony is that now folks have a fresh issue to bond around - John's deadbeat behaviour. It is not surprising that John has 45% turnover in his company. Not good.
So, that which was John doing wrong? Well, a couple of things. First of all, he distanced himself from the drama to the stage that he escalated the problem. By distancing himself, John became part of the drama problem because nothing got handled in a constructive way.
One of many basic principles of coping with drama at work is to identify your emotional patterns whenever you encounter drama and to identify how your typical reaction contributes to the problem. Does it escalate it? Enable others? Or diffuse it? If John could self-manage his reactions better, he could have got a different tactic when employees stumbled on him about issues. He might have expressed confidence within their ability to handle the problem constructively, facilitated the development of a behavioural code of conduct, or brought in a talented third party to greatly help them. Instead, he was so busy managing his own anxiety, nothing got done.
Second, he created a "drama triangle" - a seductive high energy interaction including blaming, defensive behaviour, and rescuing. Drama triangles are recognizably consistent no matter what the important points of the problem and they include the following roles:
The Persecutor: "The corporation is such a hole." "I can't believe the caliber of management." "It is all John's fault." "That VP, Sales is really a real idiot." All the power goes into finding someone or something the culprit for the company's problems. Blaming somebody else makes people feel a lot better and, of course, it means other folks have to alter, not you.
The Victim: "I tried my best." "I couldn't get through." "They did this to me." Here is the victim in the drama. They work with a helpless tone, and don't take personal responsibility. They could look for someone to rescue them, or the culprit, to be able to get rid of their negative feelings.
The Rescuer: Rescuers need a victim to feel good. They're "do-gooders" without boundaries. "Let me fix this. Let me take this on." "I could save the day." "Let me rescue this poor person who had been hard done by." Rescuers may try to greatly help people without having to be asked, or they take a twisted pleasure in getting their nose into other people's drama.
Many people learn the power of being a persecutor, victim, or rescuer as children and they repeat this behaviour within their career without having to be aware of it. As an executive, if you participate in this behaviour or respond to it, you'll escalate the drama and there is a price to cover - people won't wish to do the job, you'll feel drained at work, and you'll develop a negative culture.
To break the cycle, you need setting the tone of personal accountability, respect, choice, and principled behaviour in your organization and work culture. Here are a few specific tactics:
- Look out for drama triangles and begin to pay attention to who is playing the role of persecutor, victim, and rescuer. Be mindful of which role you have a tendency to play.
-Consider the payoff in your organization for taking on a particular role. Are people "bonding" with each other when they've somebody else the culprit? Are they avoiding coping with the complexity of issues by blaming one individual? Do the "victims" get pity? Do people feel sorry for them, or stay clear, thereby giving them power? Are you currently creating dependence in your organization by rescuing people? Self-righteousness?
- Explore what's being avoided by participating in the drama. Is there some deeper issues in the organization that must be addressed? If so, what are they?
- Notice your reactions to drama. What have you been doing? Not doing? What have you been taking responsibility for? Perhaps you have agreed to do more than you intend to?
- When you get set off by a drama, concentrate on grounding yourself. Don't deal with the drama until you may get involved without escalating your own personal emotional reaction.
- Facilitate a healthier outcome by emphasizing principles - respect, honesty, and making agreements that work. Recognize that the more intense the drama, the harder it is to get individuals to come up with a healthier outcome.
-If you are too near to the issue accessible, get yourself a facilitator or executive coach to facilitate healthy dialogue.
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